Editors Note

Facebook & Cyberspace…Etiquette For The Flyy & Sexy…


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As the New Year approached and FB was once again upgraded; I partook in a month long experiment in which I established a secondary FB page that included pictures a bit more approachable and I relaxed my rubric for accepting new friends. This page would be beneficial to me in the future because it would allow me to efficiently meet new people while extending the arm of my business-line and meeting deliverables of my branding strategy. I didn’t foresee any major adjustments because I’ve been fairly active on FB for about 5 or 6 years now.  Sadly, I was mistaken. Within two days and 5 pics posted, the only words I could use to describe my experience were utter thirst. To be fair, I understand the desire to meet new intriguing people. I also understand sexual attraction, but I’ve never witnessed the level of sheer desperation to fulfill these desires. I’ve also never experienced adults who so drastically lacked the basic characteristics of social engagement that we call “finesse”, “swag”, or just “grown man” communication. Most times, before I could fully release the mouse while accepting their request, I would receive a pathetic, sophomoric and thirsty message trying to hook-up. The phrases “wassup”…. “you sexy”…..”What you on”….or ” “where you stay” is not the introductory statement my peers and I use to spark conversation with those we’re intrigued by.

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Profile and page pics consisted of mostly selfies taken in filthy bathrooms and deplorable bedrooms with the person at hand mostly nude and contorted in some type of pose as to showcase the sexual features.  There’s nothing wrong a few provocative pics but sixty pics of butt or chest shots…Really?  As I reviewed their page to get a better understanding of who the individual was, I realized a vast majority only had status updates either seeking sexual favors, asking sexual related questions or the infamous LMS (Like My Status) post. Now let’s be clear. I’m just a few months into my 32nd year. Social economically, I don’t see myself as so far removed from these individuals, but CLEARLY there was a huge divide in the manner in which my peers and I utilize social media and others. So here is where I decided to give a few universal pointers for effectively maneuvering social media, representing yourself in an adult way while still getting the results you may desire.

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Pictures– Your profile is LITERALLY your face to the world. The pictures you attach to your page serves as a window into your life. It’s a fact. Thousands more people glimpse your profile pic and browse your albums daily, than those that actually comment on statuses or make themselves known. If this is the case, logic reasoning would lead me to utilize due-diligence, ensuring I am represented in an admirable manner. No matter how sexy or well-endowed you may be-utilizing low quality bathroom shots for a profile pic that centers into one part of your body while the background is filthy- forces the public to judge and categorize your life in the same way…FILTHY…I understand everyone won’t be able to indulge in a professional photo-shoot. Same as everyone won’t be able to reside in a castle with hired help, but as my grandmother instilled into me, no matter what you have, you can always ensure that it is clean, presentable and appropriate.

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Albums fall into this same category. We get it!…You’re sexy…you club…you get crunk…you have street creed, but to a stranger that’s intrigued by you, we want to see diversity in your life. Every pic should not be you “turning up” or “stripping down.”  Diversify your photo albums to add depth to your life. This is up most attractive. Show us pics of you at work. you at church… you with the fam…you at a cultural event…you with friends…you hanging out downtown… perhaps a few life accomplishments and then throw in the sexy pics…This strategy will ensure a more favorable following of friends that are not only sexy but serve as assets to your life.

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Introductions– That one or two line sentence you send when first meeting someone in cyber space will serve as the tool for how they will view you in the future and which category they will place in…if they even respond at all. The phrases “don’t be stranger”… “wassup”… “where you at” … “what you on”… is not the way adults engage with each other. In fact, most times it will automatically garner you the title of thirsty, uninformed and low-class. No matter how sexually frustrated I may be, if you engage with me in this manner, you will be ignored and left on my page to serve as a fan who ONLY “likes” my pics but have no real connection with me.

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I have a cyber-rule. “The thirsty man will never fully quench his thirst. But the calm and collective will forever frolic in a fountain of everlasting LIFE.” This is simple. Instead of eagerly jumping head first when meeting someone attractive, take a few minutes to review their page.  Get into some of their likes, adventures, pet-peeves, experiences and most importantly, mindset. Utilize this understanding in your connecting efforts and watch how impressed they are. Instead of “wassup”, send a message saying “nice to meet you. I see you enjoy Alvin Ailey. I’ve been a follower for years, what’s your favorite performance?”  or “Thanks for the accept. I see you’re a mad sports fan. What’s your favorite team?” Of course there derivatives of this line but you get the point. Show a deeper interest other than the surface and you’ll go further than the surface.

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Post– Post are similar to pics. More peeps will see your post than ever respond. Therefore be cognizant if they represent you and causes someone to want to get to know you better. No one wants to engage with someone who constantly bitch/moan, drunk/high, praising their body/sex, ignorant/uncultured or just an all-around liability to be around. Commentating on the latest reality TV show, cyber trend or pop culture phenomenon is not wholly stimulating to real society. Those Q&A & numbers game in which people talk to themselves are laughable. And LMS (like my status) SCREAMS I am bored, need attention and don’t have the common sense to just go to bed.

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Post should be organic and not manufactured for attention.  Your post should also illustrate a diversity that shows you are an active member of society. When we scroll down our newsfeed , we are intrigued by those who possess a personality that can transition from current events, pop culture, night-life, work-life, politics, trends and even the normal trials and tribulations of life. Voice your opinions, bring things to life, make us stop and want to read your status updates. But realize, FB is not Twitter. We don’t need to know when you are having a bowel movement. More importantly, if you are ONLY posting a manufactured image of one aspect of life, most likely we scroll right past. This also has a major impact on what standing you have in our cyber life.

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Grammar– This is the last and most important category of them all. If you are over 21, yet you do not possess a 3rd grade handle on Language Arts, then something is wrong with that picture. You need to put down the Ciroc and pick up a text book. This, above all is the singular most unattractive characteristic of a new cyber friend. We do not expect you to post as a grad school English professor. We understand the occasional misspelled word and punctuation error; but when you make a post proclaiming you’re fab, making it rain in clubs and rocking designer pieces yet you do not know the difference between their, there and they’re; well we are all laughing at you and place you in the high school dropout section of our friendslist. No matter how sexy you are, no one wants to be involved with an idiot.

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If you were preoccupied in elementary school with flirting and missed the lesson on subject-verb agreements, it’s ok. GOOGLE it! It’s rather simple and cyber space has a plethora of simple tables, charts and lessons that will enable you to grasp the concept in minutes. Trust me. It’s nothing more arousing than a sexy adult that also has book smarts and knows who to talk and write.

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Perhaps this was a lot to read, but I guarantee you, this will pay off. In the years I’ve been on cyber space and incorporated these rules, I’ve met some of the most amazing people coast-to-coast and even internationally. These people have made a tremendous impact on my life and become God sent assets. Sex is great, but as adults, we have to challenge ourselves to live beyond the convenient and mediocre. Get your dates, but do it in a way that will leave a lifelong impression…Now that’s hott…Deo

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By- DeoVonte Means

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