By: DeoVonte “Deo”Means

If you are active and privy to social media, chances are you awoke on Friday February 14^th to the customary well wishes and greetings that accompany all holidays in cyberspace. Even Google changed their logo. A few romantic pics/posting filtered through our timelines as couples expressed their love. By noon, it began to be mumbled that some were manufacturing post, pics and relations in an attempt to gain attention. I left work early at 3pm and noticed a few passive-aggressive rebuttals but nothing major. Once home, I took a nap and awoke at 8pm (CST) to what resembled a bloody battle field within an all-out cyber civil war. On one side firmly stood the “singles”. This comprised of those who for whatever reason, decided either not celebrate V-day or celebrate it alone.  On the other side stood the “entertained”. These are the ones that decided to utilize due-diligence to actively celebrate the holiday.  I’m not sure what transpired that sparked the opening shots, but I watched in suspense as words such as “bitter”, “sour” and “pressed” were hurled through the cyber waves and followed by phrases such as “you’re just angry” or “don’t be mad, just try harder next year”. Yes! It was a bloody cyber war. –O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming? And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. – The exchange of “fire” lasted well into the night with both sides hurling insults aimlessly in the air.

As I spoke with peers, both single and in committed relationships, we all agreed that we did not receive the memo issued that changed the Valentine’s Day game. Personally speaking, I was never made aware that V-day transitioned into a major holiday in which if you were not actively participating then you failed at some social growth that we all were expected to be experiencing.  Many people were viewed as a child that awoke Christmas morning with no gifts under the tree, all because they chose not to put much attention into a Hallmark holiday. As I consulted with friends that are married or involved in long term relationships, they vocalized the silliness of it all. Most expressed that the logistics surrounding V-day plans with their partners were indeed private, intimate, low-key affairs that would not be deemed appropriate for cyberspace. In fact, it was labeled vulgar to advertise the expressions of love that they planned for their mates.  After pondering this feedback, I realized that perhaps this was all sparked by a mere misunderstanding.

I am not at liberty to mandate how a couple express their love, but there are a few antics that cause those of us on the outside to call into question the organic sincerity of it all. If you invest more time in advertising the fruits of your partners expression than you do enjoying them, then yes, we call that into question.  If you OR your partner are guilty of “cutting-up” in social media inboxes, the club or any entity within the last two weeks of this special day, then yes, we’re clocking that too.  If we are utterly flabbergasted at the announcement of you being in a healthy and committed relationship on V-day, then yeah, we might have questions. If we know, that you, your personal life, stability and mentality is not setup to be conducive to anything other than random and convenient sex, then yes, we are secretly gonna chuckle when you proclaim this new found love. If you have a history of doing things to gain attention, well yeah, we will probably question that too. If I KNOW you just asked me for $20 bucks to come and “kick it” with me two weeks ago during the blizzard, well yeah, imma probably ask for some receipts from this new relationship.

Couples- Keep in mind, you have a commitment to this bond you call a relationship. If you do not respect your relationship, then you can’t expect anyone else to prick their finger and drink from your punch of “happily married”. Valentine’s Day nor any other special holiday is not implemented to broadcast to the world that you are able to get a date. Hell, in today’s day, anybody with twenty bucks can get a date. These special days are supposed to send a message that there is hope in a world that celebrates the activities of confirmed bachelorism. These days are set aside for those individuals that decided to commit and stick through it no matter the difficulty or outside temptation. These days are set aside for those that have embraced a mentality that this ONE person is the one that they are intimately involved with and love, flaws & all. These are the days set aside where your man/woman should get ALL your attention. Not Facebook. In fact, you shouldn’t even be on Facebook.  The problem isn’t that we’re bitter or don’t want to see others happily committed. The problem is that you have attempted to build a castle on sand and we find it utterly comical. Too many of us lack the ability to be confident and focused enough in ourselves, to pause serious dating until we have improved certain major issues in our lives. Instead, we label the first person that gives us great sex and calls us daily the week after the encounter our boyfriends/girlfriends.  We lay up on our prepaid phones whispering our sweet nothings while plotting to catch a matinée movie on our minimum wage budget….oh, how love can be such a splendid thing…lmao…If you are involved in a healthy, committed relationship; I am happy for you and may be you biggest supporter. If it’s bullshit, then I’m calling it out and laughing at you!! And it’s nothing you can do to change my mind!!!

Now before you attack me with labels such as bitter or sour, let me be clear. First and foremost, I didn’t even know that “manufactured love” was the new goal. I honestly thought we were all still focused on careers, jobs, opportunity and upward mobility. If I would have received the memo then perhaps I would have recruited some laughable soul to buy a cheap stuffed animal for and treat to dinner while photographing it all. But then again, even though I have now been enlightened, I’m still not interested in all that right now. I am happy for my friends that have love and I do hope to one day experience it again; but right now, my concentration is on improving myself. When I do meet that young man that I partner with and give him my name too, I want to come correct and mitigate as many risks as possible.

I want the ability to bring some assets to the table to ensure that we live a comfortable life. I want a partner, not a pupil. Perhaps I am labeled “high maintenance”, but I’m not content trying to juggle a relationship with minimum wage hands. Sex is great and companionship is everything, but it takes on an entirely different meaning when the title “boyfriend” is attached.  Lastly, it’s imperative that my relationship is built from the ground off integrity. I can buy myself stuffed animals and treat myself to nice dinners; but when I attach my name to someone and publicly debut it, it has to be someone that together we have both successfully went through the recruitment process.  It’s us against the world and we are assured that this is what we want to do. We are so confident in our bond, that we’re not even interested in public advertisements of our affection…nope… you just catch it, when we connecting, investing and traveling the world together. I will keep my readers posted on all the new found relationships that debuted this weekend. Hopefully by Easter they are still together. If not, then we will have something else to laugh at… Happy Valentines’ Day…Deo