By- DeoVonte “Deo” Means
The time I’ve spent active in the urban LGBT community – I’ve observed – when some experience the vicissitudes of life, a scandal always follows. Intricate details of their sub-par subsistence are placed on display, and the public gasp! It becomes evident that despite popularity and applause, the manner in which they lived their personal life was misguided and irresponsible. Because we all have shortcomings; judgement is never casted on “what they’ve went through”; but rather how they went through it. Those that have been blessed to by-pass the particular pit-fall at hand, whisper and gossip within their inner-circles and the teachable moment is lost. I recently realized that life does not come with a handbook and it surely isnt fair. Some were blessed with nurturers that invested time in the youngsters and schooled them on life. Others were not as fortunate. For these individuals, volatile socio-economic variables diminished their probability of acquiring essential life instruction. This disadvantage subsequentially cripple their adulthood functionality. It has become clear, we can only begin to leverage this disproportionate outcome by means of edification and enlightenment; and this is accomplished by active dialogue and teachable tools.
The Flyy-Life’s objective has always been to be a repository of information, people, places, things and ideas that are provocative and inspirational. This is not a lifestyle. It’s a mindset often referred to as upwardly mobile. The rubric is not wealth or socio-economic status, yet, advancement and exhausting due-diligence to improve quality of life. As a conscious citizen; describing, understanding, predicting and changing the conditions that govern behavior becomes most advantageous! This birthed The Flyy-Life’s 30+ Compendium. While this list is not definitive or canonical doctrine, it provides the reader with a directive of ideas to evaluate themselves. Some may view it as litigious, but when have we ever shied away from controversy? We look forward to the conversation and hope you enjoy.
The Flyy-Life’s 30+ Compendium
1– An adult 30+ has experienced maturation. Maturescence is the mental and physical transition from the frivolity of the dillusions of youth, into adult, real-world society. This bestows clarity and understanding of real-world expectations, requirements, goals, accomplishment and even failures. You become enlightened and dynamic in your personal outcomes.
Memorandum- Sadly, many of our 30+ peers are the equivalent of modern-day “Peter-Pan’s.” In their youth, they discovered an exciting world, habit or mindset; and years later they’re still beguiled in the fantasy of it all. Their life is governed by that which is of value within this fantasy world. By age 30, priorities shift. Gainful employment, stability, education, culture, advancement and proximity to future opportunity becomes the driving force of life. As you become more comprehensive in your decision-making skills, standards and expectations are elevated. Critical thinking becomes key to living a robust and rewarding life.
Detestation of Violence
2– An adult 30+, holds true that violence or acts of human endangerment is hardly ever an option! Animalistic behavior is beyond the scope of reasoning. You now contemplate your options v/s your actions and react in a civilized and appropriate manner.
Memorandum- Extreme poverty, lack of exposure and incompetent role models has led to incentivized violence. It’s become a defining characteristic of faux uber-masculinity. At 30+, risk mitigation and conflict resolution skills are refined. There are times when you’re forced to defend yourself – but in the absence of exigent circumstances – you’re expected to contemplate your options v/s your actions and react in an appropriate manner. It’s understood you have too much to lose over uncontrollable anger. Not only is it embarrassing but rage is also an emotion associated with beast and animals. Enlightenment has shown that being in control of your actions is fundamental to living a peaceful and prosperous life.
Completion of Basic Education Requirement.
3 – An adult 30+ should possess a high school diploma or it’s equivalent. The lack of completing the basic education requirement does not define intelligence or skill-set. It does however speak volumes about an individual’s ability to meet basic social and developmental milestones. Without a H.S. diploma/GED, most conclude that earnings potential and quality of life is not a priority of the individual….and the cycle of poverty repeats.
Memorandum- We’ve all made mistakes that has impacted our present and future. Being an adult is having the discipline to rectify those failures. Failure to complete the universal basic education requirement does not define intelligence; yet, it speaks volumes about the ability to meet essential developmental milestones. Society label those whom are lacking as lazy, stagnant and complacent. At 30+, quality of life and future earnings potential becomes up most important. Assurance of future stability and opportunity is gained by exhausting due-diligence. Lack of a basic education is not only embarrassing, but it also ensures a lifetime of minimum wage, poverty and limited opportunity. Inevitably it’s an existence of worry, stress and struggle. Education is the minimum requirement to being seated at the table. It’s the prerequisite key to success.
Commitment to Primary Personal Affairs.
4 – An adult 30+ has gained an awareness of life’s fragility, risky behavior, choices and other uncontrollable variables. This produces a commitment to primary personal affairs as health/wellness also becomes a priority. Handling burial arrangements and final expenses can be even more frightful, but responsible adults embrace the challenge and ensure that in the event of their demise all deliverables will be expedited and executed in a dignified manner. This isn’t a luxury, it’s an expectation!
Memorandum A- Scheduled healthcare is a taboo in the urban community. Those that are misguided equate regular doctor visits with being sickly or ill. The reality is, we’re all adults and partake in “grown-folks” high-risk activities. Failure to establish an honest and consistent relationship with a medical professional/provider is reckless and triflin.
Admittedly we’re all sexually active and indulge in high-risk behavior. Being deficient in routinely engaging in personal health/wellness is negligent and illogical. Science teaches us the body is a highly complex; yet also equally susceptible operating system. Therefore, even in perfect health; check-ups/exams become indispensable to survival and continuity. If health issues arise, early detection is key to survival and living a healthy life. A man whom neglect the necessary up-keep of his own being, is someone who also fails in the maintenance of other tangible valuables.
Memorandum B– It’s simple! It’s impossible to rationalize being hailed as legendary, loved & highly respected while alive; but in death, your remains have to be frozen while your loved ones desperately scramble to find the resources for a proper burial. The anguish becomes unbearable and friends and family are forced to solider through snickers, gossip, embarrassment and judgement. Finally, desperate measures leads to the formation of a collection plate, via GoFundMe. At 30+, final expenses/arrangements becomes a priority so that when your time comes, friends, family and loved ones are able to mourn without the burden of financial worries and stress. Without proper final arrangements, your legacy becomes stained because not only do you become a burden, but you’re also denied the ability to depart the Earth with virtue and respectability. To be disposed of as an indignant is embarrassing and shameful.
Industry Standard Self-Image/Head-Shots
5 – An adult 30+ recognizes that in an increasingly visual world; an industry standard photograph is not only meritious among contemporaries, but also an essential requirement. Its functionality is versatile and advantageous in the quest of personal/professional branding.
Memorandum- In a world that has become increasingly visual; industry standard optics are a powerful communication technique mastered by the influential and efficacious. Corporate America has began to integrate photographs and head-shots into the onboarding process. Personal branding opportunities such as awards, honors, features and highlights also request professional images. It’s considered unprepared and unpolished to lack appropriate media representation in an advancing digital age.
Cognizant of Sophistication, Culture and Refinement.
6– An adult 30+ has a functional appreciation for culture and sophistication. They’ve come to nurture a sublime affinity for refined entertainment. This is a defining characteristic of the “grown & sexy.
Memorandum- As an adult 30+, you’re privy to your individual preference; but being able to effortlessly transition into a variety of indiscriminate environs is a valued skill-set. You’re no longer nuisanced by factors such as appropriate attire, and diverse settings no longer cause fear and anxiety. Those of the boorish mindset erroneously conclude the game is played to comfortably stay within the confines of their inborn environment. This mindset also fosters generational poverty. As you become more exposed and cultured, it becomes inconceivable to party in the dilapidated lounges of the poverty-stricken city slums. It’s not arrogance or snobbery. It’s merely setting a standard for yourself and at all times wanting the best out of life.
Discipline to Alter Lifestyle & High-Risk Behavior.
8– As an adult 30+, consciousness leads to an awareness that existence is predicated on the ability to be disciplined enough to make lifestyle alterations when the behavior becomes problematic.
Memorandum- Lifestyles, habits and behaviors are substantially more difficult to control because most times we choose them ourselves. As youngsters we yield to temptation and subsequentially become damaged by poor habits and high-risk behavior. As an adult, anything that has an affect on your being or quality of living is immediately eliminated. Chronic health issues, extended hospital stays, and slow physical decomposition is not an enjoyable or coveted experience. If past/present guilty pleasures have begun to visibly take an effect on your wellness, well now is a good time to exit the table. If needed, professional help is also a recovery option. Your wellness becomes uncompromisable. This discipline allows you to bypass being another statistic with a tragic outcome. It alters the entire trajectory of your life.
Karma is a Reliable Bitch, that Always Returns.
9 – An adult 30+ understands, regardless of faith/religious affiliation; Karma is not only real – but she’s a reliable bitch, that ALWAYS returns, and most often at the worst possible moment!
Memorandum – Immaturity endorses devious, calculating, conniving and advantageous characteristics. Lost leaders and influencers that feel defeated by life oftentimes manipulate and direct the impressionable youth to follow their same tragic path. Applause and “likes” equals validation; and these leaders encourage and endorse their followers to embrace traits of dishonesty, manipulation, calculation and vengefulness. At 30+, it becomes evident these characteristics are self-destructive. This mindset complicates life, and at times, chase away valuable opportunity. Good and positive vibes become the goal and actions become driven by a sense of ethics, morals and humanity. There’s an awareness that God will provide, protect and punish; therefore manipulation, retaliation and retribution becomes futile. This is the peace that surpasses all understanding.
A Well-Fitting, Professional Suit/Ensemble
10– An adult 30+ owns at least one well-fitting, professional suit/ensemble. Many instances in life this is the only appropriated uniform. In these circumstances, society will rarely bend the rules and you will be judged.
Memorandum- At 30+, detailing and polished presentation has become a powerful secret weapon in the journey of upward mobility. The inability to meet this prerequisite most often result in doors being closed. Experience has shown you that laxity in your attire will also inevitably exclude you from opportunity. Living a robust life, there will be funerals, presentations, competitive employment interviews, legal proceedings, and lucrative networking events. This is when a well-fitting suit becomes a valuable asset. A professional ensemble is a propitious asset that consistently opens doors of increase.
Excellence and Intelligence Is Procured By Feedback and Difference Of Opinion.
11 – At 30+, feedback and difference of opinion is immensely valued. This awareness is what elevates a man from a mere surface level novice; to a definitively-respected master of his craft!
Memorandum- At 30+ you’ve witnessed the deterioration of a once exuberantly thriving nightlife/club scene. It serves as a mournfully poignant reminder of the inevitable outcome when objective evaluation and assessment is eradicated. The community fell victim to a desolating calamity roughly around 2007. A systemic decline in the standard of excellence was the outcome. This decline was an eventuality that occurs whenever there is a deficiency of opposition and antagonism. It’s important to be challenged and at times questioned! Where else are you gonna gain the skill-set of producing and becoming the blueprint. There’s a hidden value in the challenge to do better. Feedback informs you where there’s room for improvement. The challenge produces the drive to make those improvements and come harder next time. True legends appraise very little valuation in those whom encourage and endorse mollification. Icons and influencers do not attain “blueprint” status by being placated and regaled with mediocrity. Difference of opinion is also difficult but powerful. Those of low social skills find this especially challenging. Fundamentally, a disagreement is not a declaration of war. It’s merely an opportunity for growth and understanding.
Although this concludes this particular article, the production process alone has proven to produce the desired outcome of dialogue. Let the conversation continue and hopefully provide much needed leverage to a playing field that’s inherently designed to keep us etiolated and disenfranchised. In 2019 and beyond, our survival and ability to flourish will be dictated by our ability to share our knowledge and strategies of life. This is how we emendate the scales of society, which to date has left us disproportionately maligned and disadvantaged….Deo